Finding love abroad

Switching the format up this week because I wanted to share a pretty personal story with you below.

But before I dive into that, here are the links to our latest articles from this week:

• 12 Best Béis Dupes and Travel Backpack Alternatives

• 10 Best Dagne Dover Dupes and Alternatives

Happy reading ✨

Hey, this is Kelsey, founder of SiteSee. I’ll send an email like this every Friday where I’ll share my musings from my travels, the latest research undertaken by our travel writers, as well as recommendations for travel products, interesting podcasts, good reads, and more.

I withheld sharing this story because, in all honesty, I didn’t think people would be interested.

But after being convinced by my best friend and her sister (thanks, Alex and Haley!), I decided two people is good enough for me.

So here it goes:

I came to Cape Town, South Africa in January of this year with a remote work program. I was supposed to go to Cape Town in 2020, but like all of us, those plans were canceled along with covid. So I was stoked to finally get the chance to go to a country I had long dreamed about visiting.

At that point in my life, I had recently gone through a breakup and did what any single 30-year-old woman does: booked a one-way ticket to another country and paid for any self-improvement course I could get my hands on.

So when I finally found myself in Cape Town, I was a bit reluctant to download a dating app. Most of the girls in my group were going on casual dates and encouraged me to do the same. I didn’t know if I was ready for it but decided I would under the pretense that I would use the app only to connect with a cool local to show me around the city.

I had no intention of finding my person here. But then something wild happened.

I had an amazing conversation with a very witty guy on the app. All of the photos on his Hinge profile were of him in the mountains or with a group of friends (a tell-tale sign that he’s maybeee he’s not the best looking?). I decided to meet up with him regardless and he drove by after work to pick me up.

When I got into his car, I was taken aback. He was attractive. And funny. And cool.

The conversation flowed easily. We went to the beach, then planned on grabbing dinner after when he realized he had no shoes packed. So we went on an adventure to find him sandals at a nearby grocery store and laughed the entire time.

I must have been in between the checkout line and the baking aisle when I saw just how sparkly of a human he was. The only thing I could think was “I have to have him in my life.” I felt like I could see straight through to his soul and him to mine. And I loved it. Down to his dirty, sandal-less feet.

Since that first date, we spent pretty much every day together. I ended up canceling my next trip to Tanzania which was booked for February and extended my 90-day visa until the end of April.

We spent about two months apart when I went home to the States in May and now I’m back in Cape Town, exploring this love story to its fullest.

Here’s what I’ve learned about being in this unique situation:

1. Being OK with the time and money investment

I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel as though I’ve invested more financially to make this relationship happen. Between flights back and forth, visa extensions, and Airbnbs — it’s gotten expensive. Although we’ve had our fair share of disagreements about finances, I’ve come to the conclusion that at the end of the day, it is what it is.

If I have to invest more right now to make this relationship happen long-term, that’s okay. Holding resentment won’t solve anything.

2. Staying present and not trying to think too far into the future

About a month in, I made a list of all the questions and concerns I had. Normally I wouldn’t be wondering these things so early on in a relationship, but the distance at which our two worlds operate had me wondering:

• Would he be able to get a remote job and travel with me?

• What country would we eventually live in?

• If we wanted to have a family, where would we raise our kids?

We sat down to have a conversation and I was in tears. He quietly took my hands and told me that we won’t have the answers to those questions now — or even any time soon.

No amount of overthinking is going to solve it and ultimately, you can’t worry about what you can’t control. Even though I’d love to have all the answers right now, it’s just not realistic. I trust we’ll figure them out in time. Keyword being: in time.

3. Building a support system where I’m at

Before I entered into this relationship, I would jump from location to location, leaving right when it started to lose its novelty. Now that I’m in one spot, it’s forced me to slow down and really get to know the city.

It’s been lonely at times, but I honestly feel like a freshman in college again. I’ve been joining workout classes, roller skating groups, and grabbing coffee with strangers all in an effort to make new friends.

It’s difficult, but at the same time, very refreshing.

4. Knowing it’s a continual growth process

I often joke that the TV transmissions from all the 90-day fiance episodes I’ve binged got intercepted with my intentions of finding a healthy relationship — and now I find myself living here in Cape Town.

A year ago I would’ve thought this is where my story ends. I finally got what I dreamed of. But now that I’m in it, I realize it’s only the beginning.

Being in a relationship magnifies the parts of yourself that you need to work on. I now keep a short list of things I need to address: my anxious attachment, lack of patience, and how to better understand my partner and his needs.

I’m a therapist’s dream.

In the end, I don’t think the phrase, “Be careful what you wish for because you might just get it” is correct.

The saying should be, “Be careful what you wish for because you absolutely will get it.” And once you get it, it will come with its own hurdles and things you need to work through.

My partner and I will have more hoops to jump through this year. More visas, 16-hour flights, months where we’ll be long-distance with a 10-hour time difference…

But it’s my biggest and best adventure yet. And I can’t wait to jump through all of these hoops with him.

Thanks so much for reading. If you found something inspiring or useful, would you mind forwarding it to a friend or having them subscribe here?

Otherwise, thanks again and feel free to respond directly to this email. I open and respond to everything.

Onwards,

Kelsey