Learning to be happy, even when you’re alone

Hey, hey!

SiteSee did something cool. We sponsored two afternoons of rock climbing for disadvantaged kids from local townships in Cape Town.

We loved every second of the experience. But before I get into all the details, I’d like to pass the reins to SiteSee’s own editor and travel writer, Meredith, to share her story of independence, entrepreneurship, and changing the idea of what it means to be a loner 😉

Let’s go.

Hey, this is Kelsey, and you’re reading the SiteSee newsletter. Think of me as your Big Sis when it comes to travel, inspiring you to keep going places. You can expect an email from me every Friday filled with nomad stories, tips for living a location-independent lifestyle, and the gear to get you there.

Travel Story✍️

In 2019, I had this epic dream to quit my job, move to France, and work full-time as a freelance writer.

Back then, I was working as an in-house technical writer at a B2B tech public relations firm. I loved my job, but one memory of it haunts me to this day … 

I had just gone to the HR manager to submit my requested PTO days for approval. 

I was only 22, and this was my first “big-girl” job. I was also living in my first apartment in the city, driving my dream car (a brand-new Bottle Green VW Beetle I’d bought after college with savings from my internships and my first big-girl paychecks), and flying around the country for weekend trips to Chicago, Philadelphia, Washington, D.C., etc. 

I loved my little cubicle, my notebooks, even my headset, and my busy work calendar. But when I walked away from talking with the HR manager, I couldn’t help thinking: “Am I really going to be doing this for my whole life? In my 40s one day, asking another person permission to go on vacation with my family? Or permission to take a sick day because I woke up feeling bad?” 

I was having fun at the time, but I knew I didn’t want to keep living this way. Not for the long term.

So I came up with a plan. 

I was going to move to France in 2020, ditch all the public relations mumbo-jumbo, and dedicate my career to writing full time.

All the pieces were in motion! 

… Then the COVID-19 pandemic hit. So much for my dreams of moving across the pond to travel freely with my laptop.

Still, even though my plans were squashed, I knew I was ready for a change. 

So I decided to quit my desk job anyway and start working as a freelance writer. And even though I couldn't leave the country, I was still desperate to get moving, so I booked a random trip to Salt Lake City and rented an airstream for a week in a total stranger’s backyard.

It was just me, a huge box of masks, and my laptop. Except for the Uber driver who took me from the airport to the airstream, I didn’t speak to a single person the entire time I was in Utah.

But you know what? I had a great bloody time.

I spent my days going on hikes, visiting the few open museums, and wandering around the downtown area. At night, the September weather was still balmy enough that I could sit outside at the little garden table on the gravel path outside the airstream and type away on my laptop under the stars (and the airstream’s string lights). 

Sure, I probably would have gone nuts living in a metal box in absolute solitude if I had stayed there for several weeks. But that one beautiful week was just the solo journey I needed. 

Even though my dreams had been dashed and the COVID-19 pandemic was raging, this solo trip to Salt Lake City will forever be a truly happy memory for me.

So I couldn’t believe how freaking weird everyone else seemed to think it was.

• “You’re going to Salt Lake City? … Why?”

• “By yourself?”

• “Alone in an airstream?”

• “What are you going to do all on your own for a whole week?” 

I was amazed by how many people were so terrified and confused by the idea of being alone. Particularly, traveling alone. 

To some degree, I get it. Being alone can be scary sometimes. It means no one’s there to guide you. YOU have to make all the decisions. YOU have to choose what to say yes to and what to say no to. 

But that’s also what makes it so great, IMHO. 

Unfortunately, I think people are too often afraid of doing things on their own. And the sad thing is, this holds you back from a lot of potentially life-changing experiences. Really, it holds you back from being you. 

Eventually, I did realize my dream of moving to Europe and running my own writing business (when the pandemic-era restrictions finally gave way at the end of 2021). Since then, I’ve moved around from France to Poland to Germany with stints in Ireland, Spain, Italy, Sweden, Latvia, and many others. 

Today, I’m permanently stationed (for now) in France, where I spend most days with me, myself, and my laptop, typing away to write and edit blog posts, articles, and all the words for different B2B and B2C clients on tech, personal finance, and travel. 

I’ve been lucky enough to make a lot of amazing friends along the way who (heart swells) have surprised me many times with their care, love, and support. But like everyone else, I’ve had my moments of despair. I’ve had bad days (and nights) when I felt lonely. When living abroad seemed to be too challenging. When no matter who was around me, I felt alone. 

In those moments, I reminded myself of how content I had felt sitting outside a tiny airstream in Salt Lake City typing on my laptop alone under the stars. Or listening to music in the park alone in Montreal. Or forcing myself to stay awake while traveling alone on the night ferry from Swinoujscie, Poland to Trelleborg, Sweden. 

Most of all, I reminded myself that there’s nothing to fear in being alone.

We’re all alone sometimes. When you embrace this fact and let go of the fear of solitude, then you can really start enjoying life. Because there are so many wonderful things you can make happen by yourself, FOR yourself. Like:

• Bettering your HEALTH. I’m alone in silence when I’m on the yoga mat, and it’s often when I feel my best. 

• Bettering your MIND. Going to a diner for breakfast, a pub for a drink, or a coffee shop for a perfect cappuccino for a few hours with no one but my journal and a stack of books have always been one of my favorite ways to slow down, disconnect from it all, and just think. 

• Bettering your SELF. ICYMI, self-improvement is cool. And, yeah … You kind of have to do it on your own. 

• Bettering your TRAVELS. Sadly, too many people are afraid to start the nomadic lifestyle because they’re afraid of being lonely. Or they’re worried about doing it all on their own. Or they’re scared they’ll never make friends. Basically, they’re afraid of being loners.

My mission is to change all that. That’s why I founded A Merry Loner, the blog about becoming your own source of happiness. 

My hope is to change the idea of what it means to be a loner—from misfit outcast to confident, content individual. After all, it’s only in the moments when we are alone that we can really contemplate, create, and catalyze change to make life better.

I call it The Merry Loner Lifestyle—and I’ve been living it pretty much as long as I can remember.

Since I was a little kid, my biggest dream was to be a writer. As a mega bookworm with a love for words, writing was a creative outlet that I could do anytime, anywhere, whenever the feeling struck—whether I was alone or not. It’s why I majored in writing at URI, started my career as a technical writer at a PR firm, pursued a master’s degree in creative writing, and eventually went out on my own as a full-time freelance writer.

For people who are scared of being alone, writing is the ultimate challenge because it’s just you, a blank page, and nothing but your own bold words to hide behind. It’s daunting—but uber-fulfilling when you feel like you get it right. 

Even if being a writer means spending most of my time alone staring at my computer, it’s what gives me the power to connect with anyone, anytime, anywhere. That’s why Kelsey and I call writing “The Ultimate Skill.”

Writing transcends all careers, jobs, and industries because communicating well with others is the first step on any path to success. 

Writing full-time, traveling often, and living in France is my dream come true. But I never would have gotten here without accepting that there’s nothing to fear in being alone.

Now, go on your merry way … 

– Meredith Shubel (AKA Merry)

Gear Check🧳

Lately, I've been exploring activities that double as meditation to steer clear of doom-scrolling during downtime. Walking has become a big one for me. Another one? Cross-stitching. 

I find it incredibly soothing, and it’s easy to pack in my carry-on when traveling. Believe it or not, cross-stitching has more than kept up with the times. Instead of old-school granny designs, you can find trendy and unique patterns (like this sun-and-stars one) to either gift to friends or display in your home. You can even use platforms like XStitch to easily download and print modern designs to bring to life with your needlework. 

Airport Reads🗞️

• I’m halfway through Ann Lamott’s Bird by Bird. If you want to improve your writing skills, I recommend you start with this book. Lamott is hilarious, and her no-BS advice works, like: “Just take it one shitty first draft at a time.”

• I loved this podcast episode with Kat Norton. It was a good reminder that I need to work on MYSELF first if I want my business to grow. 

• People have been recommending the Waking Up meditation app from Sam Harris to me for years, so finally took the plunge and enrolled in the intro course. And I must say, I'm thoroughly enjoying it.

Last Thing✨

SiteSee is built on the belief that life gains value through travel, adventure, and embracing new experiences. Regardless of your background or origin, everyone is entitled to enjoy these moments.

Last week, SiteSee collaborated with Remote Year to fund and support two afternoons of rock climbing for kids from the Langa and Khayelitsha townships. Most of these kids come from disadvantaged households, so organizing this event gave them a chance to break away from their routine and try something new—while having fun!

At the end of each climbing session, we also surprised them with new stationery and school supplies for the start of the new school year (in South Africa, the school year starts in January).

From their first steps into the gym to the moment we all said goodbye, the day was filled with laughter and smiles. Their gratitude was truly heartwarming.

It was a beautiful reminder that adventure is for everyone, no matter who you are or where you’re from.

Onwards,

Kelsey

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